I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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