Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
