I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Everything about him screamed your future.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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