I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
