My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
