Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
