Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have post one night stand depression
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
