Christians are straight up FREAKS
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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