An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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