that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
