HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
