ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
as a side note pls kill me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
