38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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