Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
