Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
