I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
