I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
