Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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