Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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