i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
