I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
