my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You can't special order awesome
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
