maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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