if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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