you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize