Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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