I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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