guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
