I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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