Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
