I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
