Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
