I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I AM VODKA MAN
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
