Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
