love makes seman taste better
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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