It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
there is glitter all over my balls
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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