I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
