Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think i have two assholes
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
