The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize