he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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