Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
