clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
