he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
