my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
