if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Everything about him screamed your future.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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