dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
