I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
