It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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