i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
