He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
