Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
