It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
