I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
