I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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