Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We had to coat check the pizza.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
