can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
