I want to have your abortion
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
