Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Someone signed my nipple.
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