I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
