That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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