i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
