The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
