Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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