Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
