Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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