so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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