i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
