remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
