Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i need some magic done to my vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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