Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
