I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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