How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
