I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
MIDGETS
????
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
