Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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