he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
