I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
