Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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