fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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