Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
God gave him joint rollers for hands
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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